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r/HenryAndFire • Posted by u/David_Definitely_Struggling • 3 hours ago 💰 Retirement Planning

🏆 💎 🥇 🧠 +312 awards

Hi, I'm David. My wife and I have combined pensions of $8.2M, a paid-off $6.4M home we plan to downsize, and a $7.6M investment account. Monthly outgoings ~$3,000. We are both 67. Can we retire, and is 4% drawdown safe?

u/David_Definitely_Struggling writes:

Hi all, long-time lurker, first-time poster. Sorry if this has been asked before (I did search!)

My wife Linda and I have been very fortunate. Combined pensions: $8.2 million. Our home is paid off and valued at $6.4 million, we plan to downsize to something around $1M, freeing up $5.4M. Investment accounts sit at $7.6 million. Monthly expenses are roughly $3,000, which includes everything: groceries, utilities, one holiday per year, Linda's book club.

We are both 67 years old and in good health.

My question: can we retire? And if so, is a 4% drawdown on the investment portfolio sensible? I've read some posts here saying 4% is the gold standard but others are saying 3.5% and I just want to make sure we are being responsible. We don't want to run out of money.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you, David 🙏

TOP COMMENTS (4,891)

              u/ThriftKingActual
              🏆 FIRE Veteran
              ↑ 12,847 pts • 2h ago
            
              David — I want to be honest with you here because this community doesn't sugarcoat things.

              4% is extremely aggressive. By my modelling, and I've run this through three different Monte Carlo simulators, you are looking at a 0.003% chance of failure at 4%, which means there IS a scenario, however unlikely, where you run out of money by age 312.

              I would strongly recommend 3% maximum. Also, and I can't stress this enough, if you and Linda can find any way to trim that $3,000/month, even by $200-$300, you would sleep so much better. Have you looked at your book club expenses? Those can really add up.

u/IndexFundIan ↑ 8,203 pts • 2h ago

Not to alarm you but have you considered what happens if the market drops 40% and stays there for 60 years? At 4% you would genuinely be in trouble. I would actually model out 2.5% to be safe. Also, and this is important, are all $7.6M in index funds? If not, that's the first thing to fix. Everything in index funds. The fees on anything else will absolutely destroy your retirement.

The fees, David. The fees.

u/RetiredAt29_No_Really ↑ 6,441 pts • 1h ago

Personally I retired at 29 with $340,000 and live on 1.1% drawdown in a yurt in Montana. I haven't bought anything since 2019. It's very freeing. You and Linda should consider whether you actually need $3,000 a month or whether that's lifestyle creep talking. What's in that $3,000? I'm guessing there's fat to cut.

u/JustOneMoreYear_Mike ↑ 4,102 pts • 1h ago

Honestly David I wouldn't retire yet. You're 67 which is early. If you work just one more year you'll be in a much stronger position. Maybe two. Three at most. The extra cushion would be immense. Think about it, you'd go from $15.8M to maybe $16.5M in assets. That's genuine peace of mind.

u/Moderator_BigNums_Finance MOD 2h ago

Hi David, thanks for the post! Just a reminder per Rule 7: please do not say the actual dollar amounts in the title. It makes other members feel bad. Also your post has been marked as a Humblepost. Next time please use the weekly thread for posts with assets over $5M. Leaving it up this time. Good luck! 🙂

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r/AmITheBaddie • Posted by u/ThrowawayConfused_Tom • 6 hours ago 💔 Relationship Advice ⚖️ AITA

🏆❤️✨ +87 awards

AITA for feeling "a little weird" after my girlfriend of 5 years (we marry in 8 months) announced she wants to "find some new boyfriends" and "travel the world with them" before the wedding? I said I wasn't 100% comfortable with this.

Hi all. Me (31M) and my girlfriend Sarah (29F) have been together 5 years, genuinely the best relationship of my life. We get married in 8 months. Yesterday she sat me down and explained she wants to...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/EmpathyExpert_Gail
              🏆 Relationship Elder
              ↑ 9,441 pts • 5h ago
            
YTA

              Tom, I say this with love: you need to unpack this.

              Sarah has courageously communicated her needs to you, needs that are valid, beautiful, and completely normal, and your response was to feel "not 100% comfortable." That is a you problem. What is it about her happiness that threatens you? Have you considered therapy? I don't ask that to be cruel. I ask it because you clearly have some deep attachment wounds that pre-date Sarah entirely.

              Let her go live her life. If she comes back, wonderful. If she doesn't, that's also wonderful, for her.

u/FreeSpirit_Advocate ↑ 7,892 pts • 5h ago

YTA

The fact that you used the phrase "a little weird" tells me everything. A little weird? You're policing her autonomy and you're doing it with adverbs. That's almost worse.

u/Nuanced_Takes_Sandra ↑ 5,201 pts • 4h ago

ESH

You both suck here, and here's why: Tom, obviously, for the controlling behaviour we've discussed. But also Sarah, she should have given you more notice. Eight months is tight. She's essentially asking you to do all the wedding planning solo while she's abroad with Derek from Bruges. That's not fair on you logistically.

u/Devils_Advocate_Dave ↑ 203 pts • 3h ago

Wait, is anyone else thinking maybe Tom's feelings are slightly... understandable here? Like even a little bit?

u/EmpathyExpert_Gail ↑ 4,102 pts • 3h ago

Reported. This is a safe space.

u/Mod_SafeSpace_Karen MOD

u/Devils_Advocate_Dave: comment removed. Rule 4: No victim blaming. Rule 6: No contrarianism. Rule 11: No "devil's advocate" framing. This is your second warning. Next one is a ban. Take care 💚

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r/MildlyInfuriatingActually • Posted by u/NormalPerson_Steve • 1 day ago 😤 Infuriating

The supermarket was out of my usual brand of oat milk. I had to get a different brand. [image]

This is unacceptable. I have been a loyal customer for 11 years. I shop there every single week. And today they just... didn't have it. I stood in the aisle for about four minutes...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

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r/LegalAdviceActual • Posted by u/JustAsking_Barry • 2 days ago ⚖️ Legal

🏆💎 +41 awards

My neighbour's cat sat on my garden wall and stared at me for approximately 4 minutes. Is there anything I can do here legally?

Hi all. So this happened yesterday around 3pm. I was in my garden having a cup of tea when my neighbour's cat (a tabby, I believe) climbed onto my wall and just... stared at me. Unblinking...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/NotALawyerButActuallyALawyer
              🏆 Legal Eagle
              ↑ 11,203 pts • 2d ago
            
              Barry, I want to be very clear: you need a lawyer. I cannot stress this enough. What you are describing, sustained uninvited eye contact from a neighbouring animal — touches on nuisance law, potential trespass (the wall is yours, yes?), and depending on your jurisdiction, possibly harassment statutes if a pattern of behaviour can be established.

              Document everything. Times, dates, duration of staring. Photos if you can get them. Do not engage with the cat. Do not pet the cat. Anything you say or do could be used against you. Get a lawyer before this escalates.

u/PropertyLawPaula ↑ 7,841 pts • 2d ago

The wall is key here. If the cat was on your wall, that's trespass. Full stop. The neighbour will claim their cat "doesn't understand property boundaries" but that is not a legal defence and any half decent solicitor will tell you that. Get a cease and desist sent immediately, it establishes the paper trail. You want a paper trail, Barry.

u/EmotionalDamages_Eric ↑ 5,332 pts • 2d ago

Has this affected your ability to enjoy your garden? Because if so you may also have a claim for loss of amenity. The emotional toll of being stared at without consent in your own private outdoor space is real and courts are increasingly recognising this. I would also consider a Ring doorbell pointed at the wall as evidence gathering going forward.

u/CommonSense_Colin ↑ 12 pts • 1d ago

...It's a cat

u/NotALawyerButActuallyALawyer ↑ 3,201 pts • 1d ago

With respect, Colin, that is exactly what the neighbour's lawyer will say. Don't give them the ammunition.

u/Mod_LegalEagle_Janet MOD

Locking this thread as it has been answered. Barry, please consult a lawyer before taking any further action including but not limited to: looking at the cat, not looking at the cat, or making any gesture that could be interpreted as acknowledgement of the cat's presence. Good luck. 🙂

14.8k

r/GainsAtAllCosts • Posted by u/JustBrokeMyCollarbone • 3 days ago 💪 Fitness

🏆🧠 +28 awards

Broke my collarbone in three places yesterday. Doctor says 8 weeks no upper body. What exercises should I avoid?

Hey all. So had a bit of a fall off my bike yesterday, fractured the collarbone in three places, surgery tomorrow morning. Doctor says absolutely no upper body for 8 weeks minimum...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/FormCheckFrankie
              🏆 Certified Gym Bro
              ↑ 8,441 pts • 3d ago
            
              Honestly without seeing a video of your form it's hard to say. In my experience a lot of "injuries" that people attribute to accidents are actually underlying form issues that were waiting to happen. The bike fall may have just been the final straw.

              Post a form check when you're healed and we'll get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, legs are fine. Don't skip legs. This is actually a great opportunity to really focus on your squat depth. Most people neglect legs when their upper body is fine. Silver linings.

u/NoPainNoGainNorman ↑ 6,102 pts • 3d ago

8 weeks is a long time to lose progress. Have you looked into blood flow restriction training? Technically you're not lifting heavy so the collarbone isn't really involved. I'm not a doctor but I don't see why BFR on the arms would be an issue, the bone isn't doing the work per se, it's just... there.

u/MindMuscleMarcus ↑ 4,887 pts • 2d ago

Your doctor said no upper body but did they specifically say no isometric holds? Because technically an isometric hold isn't a movement. Worth clarifying. I would email them and ask. Phrase it carefully.

u/ActualDoctor_Ignored ↑ 34 pts • 2d ago

Hi, actual orthopaedic surgeon here. Please listen to your doctor and do no upper body exercise whatsoever for the full 8 weeks. This is not complicated.

u/FormCheckFrankie ↑ 2,203 pts • 2d ago

Respectfully, doctors are very conservative on these timelines. They have to be, for liability reasons. Real recovery depends on the individual. OP knows their body.

u/Mod_GainsTrain_Derek MOD

Great discussion everyone. OP, wishing you a speedy recovery. Remember: legs don't lie. See you on the platform in 8 weeks 💪

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r/AmITheBaddie • Posted by u/ThrowawayConfusedAgain_Phil • 4 days ago 💔 Relationship Advice ⚖️ AITA

🏆❤️✨💎 +203 awards

AITA for asking my girlfriend where she'd like me to sleep, after I came home to find she had moved another man into my flat, into my bedroom, and had put my belongings in bin bags in the hallway?

Hi all. Long time lurker. So I (34M) have been with my girlfriend Claire (31F) for two years. I came home from a work trip on Tuesday to find a man called Jason (his words) had moved into my flat...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/EmpathyExpert_Gail
              🏆 Relationship Elder
              ↑ 14,203 pts • 4d ago
            
YTA

              Phil, I want to approach this gently because I can tell you're hurting. But I need you to hear this.

              Asking Claire "where would you like me to sleep" in that tone, and I can hear the tone through the screen, was passive aggressive. You made her feel judged in what is clearly a very vulnerable moment for her. Jason being there suggests Claire has been doing some important personal growth work that you may not have been supporting adequately.

              Instead of asking where to sleep, the more emotionally mature response would have been to ask: "How can I support you right now?" Have you considered that your coming home unannounced may itself have been a boundary violation?

u/RedFlagReader_Ros ↑ 9,112 pts • 4d ago

ESH

Claire obviously has some explaining to do, I'll give you that. But the bin bags thing... Phil, did you put them there? Because if Claire packed your things, she was actually doing you a kindness. She was making space, for you, so you could begin your healing journey. Some people would be grateful for that clarity.

u/AlwaysHerSideSteve ↑ 7,003 pts • 3d ago

I think what's being missed here is that we're only hearing Phil's side. We don't know Jason's story. We don't know what Jason has been through. Has anyone stopped to think about how Jason is feeling right now, walking into this drama on what was supposed to be move-in day?

u/OneVoiceOfReason_Ignored ↑ 47 pts • 3d ago

Phil, NTA. Call a lawyer. Change the locks tonight. This is your flat.

u/EmpathyExpert_Gail ↑ 5,441 pts • 3d ago

This comment has been reported for victim blaming Claire. Changing the locks while Jason is in residence could constitute harassment. Please think before you post.

u/Mod_SafeSpace_Karen MOD

Thread locked. Phil, this has been thoroughly answered. The consensus is clear. We wish you well on your healing journey. Remember: the only way out is through. 💚

u/OneVoiceOfReason_Ignored has been permanently banned.

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r/DIYRedditseddit • Posted by u/WeekendWarrior_Pete • 8 hours ago 🔨 Project Complete

🏆💎🥇✨ +8,441 awards

Spent 8 months hand-crafting a full oak kitchen, including hand-cut dovetail joints, a hand-carved island, bespoke copper pipework, underfloor heating, and a working wood-fired oven built into the chimney breast. First time doing anything like this. Pretty happy with it.

Hi all. Long time lurker, first time poster. I thought I'd share the kitchen I've been working on. I had no prior carpentry experience when I started. The oak was sourced from a fallen tree on my land...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

u/WeekendWarrior_Pete writes:

Hi all. Long time lurker, first time poster. I thought I'd share the kitchen I've been working on. I had no prior carpentry experience when I started. The oak was sourced from a fallen tree on my land, milled on site, and dried for four months before I began cutting. All joinery is hand-cut. The copper pipework I bent myself using a pipe bender I borrowed from my neighbour Terry.

The wood-fired oven took the longest. I had to rebuild the chimney breast twice because the draw wasn't right, but third time lucky and it now holds 340 degrees for four hours on a single load. Made a sourdough in it last Sunday. Lovely.

The underfloor heating is hydronic, fed from a small ground-source heat pump I installed in the garden over one weekend in October. The island weighs 340kg and I moved it into position using a system of rollers I made from old scaffold poles.

Total cost including tools: £2,200. Time: 8 months of evenings and weekends.

Anyway. Quite pleased with how it came out. Happy to answer any questions.

              u/TechnicalTerry_DIY
              🔨 Master Craftsman
              ↑ 47,203 pts • 7h ago
            
              Nice effort but I have some concerns.

              Those dovetail joints look like they were cut at 1:7 ratio. For oak you want 1:6. A 1:7 ratio on hardwood introduces shear stress across the grain that will, over time, cause micro-fracturing at the pin shoulder. You won't notice it for a few years but it will happen. I'm not saying this to be negative. I'm saying it because I've seen it.

              Also the copper pipework — did you anneal it before bending? Because if you cold-bent it without annealing, the work hardening at the bend points means you've got stress fractures you can't see. That pipework will fail. Not if. When.

              The oven looks good though.

u/WrongScrews_Observed ↑ 38,441 pts • 7h ago

Wrong screws.

u/WeekendWarrior_Pete ↑ 203 pts • 7h ago

Which screws specifically? The cabinets use 4x50mm stainless torx heads, the island fixing brackets are M10 structural bolts, and the oven housing uses fire-rated masonry anchors.

u/WrongScrews_Observed ↑ 29,003 pts • 6h ago

Just generally.

u/BuildingRegs_Brian ↑ 22,887 pts • 6h ago

Did you get building regulations approval for the chimney breast modification? Because any structural alteration to a load-bearing element requires a Part A notification to the local authority, and if you also modified the flue you'll need a HETAS certificate for the combustion appliance, and the underfloor heating will need a Part L compliance certificate, and if the kitchen is an extension you'll need Part B fire safety sign-off, and frankly if you did all this without the correct paperwork you've just made your house unmortgageable and unsellable and I hope the sourdough was worth it.

u/RedCircle_Nigel ↑ 19,334 pts • 5h ago

[Image: Pete's kitchen photo with a red circle drawn around a single cabinet door that appears to hang approximately 1mm lower than its neighbour]

u/ActuallyImpressed_Mo ↑ 34 pts • 4h ago

This is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen posted on this subreddit. Genuinely breathtaking work Pete. You should be incredibly proud.

u/WouldHaveUsedMDF_Ken ↑ 14,221 pts • 3h ago

Personally I would have used MDF for the carcasses and saved the solid oak for the doors and drawer fronts only. You've essentially wasted 60% of your timber on parts nobody will ever see. Structurally fine. Economically illiterate.

u/Mod_DIYCommunity MOD

Great post Pete, thanks for sharing. Reminder to all commenters to keep feedback constructive. u/ActuallyImpressed_Mo, we appreciate the enthusiasm but this subreddit is for technical discussion, not general praise. Please keep comments focused on craft and technique. 🔨

847k

r/AskRedditseddit • Posted by u/throwaway_justaquestion • 2 days ago 💬 Serious Answers Only

🏆💎❤️🥇✨🧠 +94,203 awards

Has anyone ever felt sad?

Like, just sad. Not about anything specific. Just a bit sad sometimes. Does anyone else get this or is it just me. Serious answers only please.

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/DeepThinker_Actual
              🏆 Profound Contributor
              ↑ 284,441 pts • 2d ago
            
              Yes.

              I was 34 years old, standing in a Lidl car park on a Tuesday in November, holding a bag of reduced-price crumpets, when it hit me. Just... sad. Not about the crumpets. Not about anything. Just sad in the way that rain is wet and Tuesday is Tuesday.

              I went home. I sat down. I ate the crumpets. And I thought: somewhere out there, someone else is feeling exactly this. And that made me feel, if not happy, then at least slightly less alone in the Lidl car park of my soul.

              You are not alone, OP. None of us are alone. We are all just standing in our own respective Lidls.

u/WordsmithWendy_Writes ↑ 187,003 pts • 2d ago

I think what you're describing has a word in Portuguese: saudade. It means a melancholic longing for something you can't quite name. The Japanese call it mono no aware. The Welsh have hiraeth. The Germans have Weltschmerz.

Every culture on earth has a word for this feeling because every human who has ever lived has felt it. You are not broken. You are, in fact, fluent in the oldest language there is.

Also the Danes have hygge which is sort of the opposite but I always find it helpful to mention.

u/Relatable_Content_Rob ↑ 143,220 pts • 2d ago

Not to make this about me but yes. I was at my best friend's wedding, surrounded by people I love, on the happiest day of his life, and I just felt... a bit sad. For no reason. I didn't tell anyone. I just smiled and ate the chicken and felt sad quietly, which I think is actually the most human thing a person can do.

Anyway this comment is not about me.

u/JustGoogleIt_Janet ↑ 12 pts • 1d ago

Yes, it's called being sad. It's a normal human emotion. You could have Googled this.

u/DeepThinker_Actual ↑ 98,441 pts • 1d ago

Janet. Someone came here, vulnerable, asking if they are alone in a feeling that has haunted humanity since the dawn of consciousness, and your response is "Google it." I genuinely feel sorry for the people in your life.

u/TherapyRecommender_Tim ↑ 97,883 pts • 1d ago

OP, have you considered therapy? What you're describing sounds like it could be low-grade persistent sadness, which is actually a recognised condition. A therapist would be able to help you unpack why you feel sad sometimes. It could go back further than you think. Most things do.

I'm not saying you're broken. I'm saying you deserve support. We all do. Also have you tried magnesium?

u/Actually_Specific_Dave ↑ 76,102 pts • 1d ago

Does anyone else's girlfriend's sister's landlord do that thing where he knocks on the door at 7am on a Saturday to check the smoke alarm, and you think you're fine with it but then later that day you just feel sort of sad and you're not sure if it's the landlord or something deeper but probably it's something deeper and the landlord is just the thing that opened the door to it?

Asking for a friend. The friend is me.

u/Mod_EmotionalSupport MOD

This thread has been pinned as one of the most important posts in this subreddit's history. 2.3 million comments. 847,000 upvotes. 94,000 awards.

OP has not responded to any comments but we hope they are okay. If you are struggling, please reach out. You are not alone. You are never alone. We are all, each of us, standing in our own Lidl car parks. 💚

u/JustGoogleIt_Janet has been permanently banned.

54.1k

r/RedditsedditInvestigates • Posted by u/PixelSleuth_Actual • 14 hours ago 🔍 ACTIVE INVESTIGATION

🏆💎🧠🔥 +1,847 awards

[MEGATHREAD] Northfield Shopping Centre Incident — WE HAVE IDENTIFIED THE SUSPECT. Thread 7. Do NOT contact him yet. (Update: some of you have contacted him.)

Brothers and sisters of r/RedditsedditInvestigates. After 11 hours of collaborative forensic analysis, cross-referencing of publicly available data, and some absolutely heroic image enhancement work by u/ZoomEnhance_King...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

u/PixelSleuth_Actual writes:

Brothers and sisters of r/RedditsedditInvestigates. After 11 hours of collaborative forensic analysis, cross-referencing of publicly available data, and some absolutely heroic image enhancement work by u/ZoomEnhance_King, we are confident we have identified the individual seen in the CCTV footage from the Northfield Shopping Centre incident.

The suspect is: Derek Paulson, 47, of Walsall.

Evidence summary (please read before commenting):

1. The figure in the footage is wearing a dark jacket. Derek Paulson owns a dark jacket (confirmed via a 2019 Facebook photo from his cousin Sandra's birthday).

2. Gait analysis conducted by u/GaitGuru_NotADoctor suggests a 73% match with Derek's walk, extrapolated from a 2021 video of him carrying shopping bags.

3. Derek was NOT seen posting on Facebook between 14:00 and 16:30 on the day of the incident. The incident occurred at 15:12. He has no alibi for his Facebook activity.

4. His hat brim angle in the Sandra birthday photo is consistent with the hat brim angle of the figure in the CCTV, once you enhance and rotate the image 11 degrees and apply the contrast filter u/ZoomEnhance_King developed specifically for this investigation.

We are NOT encouraging anyone to contact Derek. This is purely an information-sharing exercise. We are citizens doing what the police will not.

UPDATE 3: Some of you have contacted Derek. And his employer. And his children's school. Please stop. We have not confirmed this 100%. We have confirmed it 97%.

              u/ZoomEnhance_King
              🔍 Lead Forensic Analyst
              ↑ 18,334 pts • 13h ago
            
              I want to be clear about my methodology here because some people in the other thread were questioning it.

              I took the original CCTV image, enlarged it 340%, applied a proprietary sharpening algorithm I developed in MS Paint, rotated it 11 degrees to correct for camera angle, and then compared the result to Derek's profile picture using my eyes.

              The similarity is, in my professional assessment, unmistakable. The jawline. The general head shape. The fact that both Derek and the suspect appear to have two eyes. I have been doing this for three years and I have never been more certain of anything.

              For those asking about my qualifications: I have watched every season of CSI including the Miami one.

u/OpenSourceJustice_Mel ↑ 12,003 pts • 12h ago

I've gone through Derek's entire Facebook going back to 2011. Some findings:

- He once liked a post that was liked by someone who later made a controversial comment on a different post entirely.
- He visited Northfield in 2017 for a Harvester. So he KNOWS the layout.
- His profile picture has not been updated since March. Suspicious.

I'm not saying this proves anything. I'm just putting it out there for the investigators to assess. The community will decide.

u/JusticeNeverSleeps_Ron ↑ 9,447 pts • 11h ago

I sent Derek a message asking him to explain himself. He replied saying he was at his mother's funeral in Shrewsbury at the time of the incident and has the order of service, photos, and 43 witness statements to prove it.

Classic deflection. A funeral is exactly where I would say I was.

u/ActuallyWait_Helen ↑ 41 pts • 9h ago

The police arrested someone this morning. It wasn't Derek. They've released a statement saying Derek Paulson is entirely innocent and asking people to stop contacting his family.

u/PixelSleuth_Actual ↑ 14,221 pts • 9h ago

The police have been wrong before. We stand by our analysis. If anything, the speed of this "arrest" raises more questions than it answers. We will be opening Thread 8 to investigate the investigating.

u/InTheGameSince2009_Carl ↑ 7,103 pts • 8h ago

Look, we got 97% of the way there. That's not nothing. The hat brim analysis was genuinely impressive work and I think we should recognise that. The community did its best with the information available. Nobody could have known Derek would turn out to have a alibi. Well, Derek knew. But we didn't.

u/Mod_JusticeMatters MOD

Following the police statement we are updating Derek Paulson's status from CONFIRMED SUSPECT to UNCONFIRMED SUSPECT. His name has been removed from the sidebar.

We want to thank this community for 11 hours of extraordinary detective work. The passion here is something special. Thread 8 will open shortly where we will be investigating the original investigation.

Please do not contact Derek Paulson, his wife, his employer, his children's school, his mother (who we understand has recently passed, condolences), or his cousin Sandra. 🙏

19.3k

r/ThePUA_Academy • Posted by u/AlphaWolf_Darryn • 5 hours ago 🎯 Field Report

🏆💎🔥 +312 awards

FIELD REPORT: Solid 7-set at Oceana, opened with a disqualifier, target went full ASD but I re-engaged with a takeaway and a light insult. She left. Breakdown inside.

Brothers. Friday night. Oceana, Watford. I had been meditating on my frame for three hours beforehand as per the Level 4 protocol. Entered the venue at 22:47. Spotted a 3-set near the bar...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

u/AlphaWolf_Darryn writes:

Brothers. Friday night. Oceana, Watford. I had been meditating on my frame for three hours beforehand as per the Level 4 protocol. Entered the venue at 22:47.

Spotted a 3-set near the bar. Target (HB8, possibly HB9 depending on lighting, but factoring in her RSD and low SPIV score I'm calling her an HB7.4) was showing mild IOIs. Hair flip, glanced at the door twice, told her friend she wanted to go home. Classic pre-approach indicators.

I opened with a disqualifier: walked up and said "you look like someone who'd be really annoying to talk to." She said "sorry?" I held eye contact for eleven seconds. She looked away first. Frame maintained.

She then said "please leave me alone" which in PUA terms is a classic LMR spike, indicating high attraction. I responded with a takeaway: turned my back on her for forty seconds while pretending to look at my phone. Re-engaged with: "you're still here then." She had moved to the other side of the bar.

I followed. Delivered a light neg: "your friend is funnier than you." Her friend said "mate, seriously?" which I logged as a shit test. Passed it by smiling and saying nothing for a full minute.

At this point the target spilled her drink on my shirt. Could have been an IOI (kino escalation initiated by her). Could have been an accident. Either way, I did not break frame.

She left the venue at 23:14. I believe I was close. What did I do wrong?

              u/GrandMasterKlaus_PUA
              🎯 Level 9 Seducer
              ↑ 8,441 pts • 4h ago
            
              Solid attempt brother and I can see your fundamentals are there. A few notes from the debrief:

              1. The eleven second eye contact was one second too long. Nine is the sweet spot. Eleven reads as try-hard.

              2. The forty second takeaway was correct in principle but Oceana Watford has a high ambient noise level, meaning she may not have noticed you turned away. Consider a verbal takeaway next time: "hold on" followed by silence.

              3. "Your friend is funnier than you" is a Level 2 neg. For an HB7.4 you need a Level 3 minimum. Something like "you remind me of my cousin. She's alright." would have hit harder.

              4. The drink on the shirt was almost certainly an IOI. You left value on the table. When she spilled, the correct response was: "you owe me a drink now." That flips the script entirely.

              Overall I'd give this a 6.8 out of 10. Keep going. She was clearly into you.

u/FrameControl_Fergus ↑ 5,203 pts • 4h ago

The fact that she moved to the other side of the bar is actually textbook push-pull on her part. She was testing your persistence. By not following immediately you showed abundance mentality, which is good. But you then followed, which showed scarcity. These two things cancel out and you ended the interaction at a net zero attraction differential. Classic mistake.

u/InTheGameSince2009_Carl ↑ 4,887 pts • 3h ago

Been in the game 14 years. Still learning. But here is what I can tell you: an HB7.4 leaving the venue at 23:14 on a Friday is a massive IOI. Peak leaving time at Oceana Watford is 00:30 to 01:15. She left 76 minutes early. She was rattled, brother. You got in her head. That is a win. Log it as a win.

u/JustANormalPerson_Greg ↑ 31 pts • 2h ago

She said "please leave me alone" and then left the building. I think she just didn't want to talk to you. Have you considered being nice to people?

u/GrandMasterKlaus_PUA ↑ 6,103 pts • 2h ago

This is exactly the kind of blue-pill thinking that keeps men like Greg alone and miserable. "Being nice" is not a strategy. It is the absence of a strategy. Greg, with respect, how is that working out for you? We do not take kindly to people coming into this community and undermining brothers who are putting in the work.

u/Mod_TheCouncil_PUA MOD

Good field report Darryn, well documented. u/JustANormalPerson_Greg has been banned for blue-pill trolling. This is a safe space for men doing the work. Darryn, the consensus is that you were close. Review the Level 4 debrief module and come back stronger. The game rewards the persistent. 🎯

Remember: she does not know what she wants. You do.

28.4k

r/CatsOfRedditseddit • Posted by u/WorriedOwner_Steve • 1 hour ago 🐱 Cat Behaviour

🏆💎❤️ +541 awards

My cat's morning meow sounded very slightly lower in pitch than usual. Is this normal? She ate fine, is playing, seems happy. Just noticed the meow was a tiny bit different.

Hi everyone. Long time cat dad here, my girl Biscuit is 4 years old and in great health. This morning when she woke me up for breakfast her meow seemed ever so slightly lower pitched than usual. She has eaten all her food, she's been playing with her toy mouse...

Click to read full post and comments ▼

              u/CatMom_Of_Fourteen
              🐾 Feline Guardian
              ↑ 11,203 pts • 58m ago
            
              GO TO THE VET. RIGHT NOW. I AM NOT JOKING.

              A lower pitched meow is a classic early indicator of laryngeal paralysis, hyperthyroidism, upper respiratory infection, or a neurological event. I don't want to scare you but I also absolutely want to scare you. Do not wait until tomorrow. Do not wait until this afternoon. Put Biscuit in her carrier while you are reading this sentence and drive.

              Time is tissue, Steve.

u/VetTech_Adjacent_Pam ↑ 8,847 pts • 55m ago

I'm not a vet but I work near a vet (I'm in the accountancy firm next door) and I can tell you they take vocal changes extremely seriously. The fact that she ate and is playing is almost MORE concerning, cats are masters of hiding pain. Biscuit could be in agony right now and you would not know. That is the nature of cats. Please go immediately.

u/TabbyCat_Trevor ↑ 6,221 pts • 50m ago

My cat did this exact thing. Exact. Slightly lower meow one Tuesday morning. I thought nothing of it.

She lived another 14 years and died peacefully in her sleep at 21.

But I still think about that meow. You just never know. VET.

u/EmergencyVet_Evangeline ↑ 5,103 pts • 45m ago

Please don't go to a regular vet. A lower-pitch meow after sleeping is outside the scope of a standard appointment. You need an emergency specialist. Take her to the 24-hour emergency animal hospital, ask for the senior consultant, and mention the meow change first thing. Do not let them fob you off with "she seems fine." She seemed fine to you too.

u/JustChillin_BiscuitsDad ↑ 34 pts • 40m ago

UPDATE: Hi all, it's Steve. Just to say Biscuit has done three normal meows since I posted this. Think she may have just been sleepy. She is now sitting on the radiator looking smug.

u/CatMom_Of_Fourteen ↑ 7,882 pts • 38m ago

That is exactly what a cat who is masking a serious illness looks like. The smugness is a coping mechanism. Steve please go to the vet. The update has made me more worried, not less.

u/Mod_PawsAndConcern MOD

Pinning this thread as a reminder: we always err on the side of caution here. Any vocal change, behavioural change, posture change, or change in the quality of a cat's sitting should be assessed by a vet as a matter of urgency. We have removed two comments suggesting this "might be nothing." This community does not do "might be nothing." 🐾

Steve, we are watching this thread. Please update us from the waiting room.